you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
