Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
