this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
