trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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