SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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