I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
