i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
