Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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