community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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