Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
