woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
