the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
