I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
