Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
