omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
