He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
