Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's always time for handjobs
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
