she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's shark week go big or go home
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
