One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
