Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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