Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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