hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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