He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
