Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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