dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
