Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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