Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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