Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
