Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
