saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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