btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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