they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
