every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
