After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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