Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
