At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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