I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
