Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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