Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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