1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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