He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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