my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
