To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
