Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
