I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
