No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
