i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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