he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
