At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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