i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
