Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
