he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
