I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think your dad took our porno
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
