So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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