his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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