Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
