we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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