I puked a lego.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
