The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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