What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
