everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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