i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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