can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
